A Sentence Meme

Feels like it's been ages since I've done a meme, and since there isn't much happening (because I'm vacationing!), this seemed like a decent way to kill a little time. So, as seen over at Girl Writes Words, the sentence meme:

1. My uncle once: pulled over on the side of the road, leaned over a fence, and made moo'ing noises until he irritated a bull.
2. Never in my life: have I gone sky diving.
3. When I was five: my image often appeared out of nowhere on blocks of wood, items of food, and in the dust. I was often compared to the Holy Mother and her also-noteworthy son. I was so god-damned adorable, however, that no one called it a miracle. [See picture, which may vanish]
4. High school was: neither bad nor good enough to dwell upon.
5. I will never forget: that questions like this scare the crap out of me. Not enough wood to knock on.
6. Once I met: Lyle Lovett. He was so quiet and polite that I instantly forgave him for seeing something in Julia Roberts.
7. There’s this boy I know: and he isn't ready for summer to be over.
8. Once, at a bar: a friend and I tried to make it as far as we could through the drinks menu. We made it to the letter I.
9. By noon: I’m usually: one class done and ready to get the hell out.
10. Last night: is a song by the Strokes. The real question is what's going on tonight?
11. If only I had: enough money to pay for my student loans and a cabin in the mountains...
12. Next time I go to church: someone's going to owe me big time.
13. What worries me most: is what happens if I miss it so how can I make it happen faster.
14. When I turn my head left I see: my dog lying on the floor, staring into the kitchen, and hoping for something to fall on the floor.
15. When I turn my head right I see: a lamp, a couch, a map on the wall.
16. You know I’m lying when: you catch me. Come on, I'm not going to give you my tell.
17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: old school Mtv and music stars you could have crushes on without fear the thought alone would give you the clap and drop your IQ by 40.
18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: speaking in couplets and vexing the queen.
19. By this time next year: I plan to be somewhere else.
20. A better name for me would be: Zach Power
21. I have a hard time understanding: the state of the men's room. Any men's room. Gross. Honestly, it's line of sight aiming so what the hell?
22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: love it.
23. You know I like you if: I let you into my apartment.
24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: well thanked.
25. Take my advice, never: take the first offer.
26. My ideal breakfast is: chorizo and egg breakfast tacos. Or something from a greasy spoon diner that comes with hash browns.
27. A song I love but do not have is: "The Tracks of My Tears" by Smokey Robinson.
28. If you visit my hometown: enjoy some Mexican food for me. Lucky bastard.
29. Why won’t people: use their turn signals?
30. If you spend a night at my house: be prepared to sleep late.
32. The world could do without: reality tv.
33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: lick its armpit.
34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: defined by something other than just their hair color.
35. Paper clips are more useful than: listing general education goals on my syllabi.
36. If I do anything well it’s: either sarcasm or sleep. I rock at those.
37. I can’t help but: try to make a joke out of anything.
38. I usually cry: havoc and let slip the dogs of war.
39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: always ask questions and distrust (and laugh at) anyone who tries to discourage you from doing so.
40. And by the way: don't just stand there. Get me a drink.