Setting the Record Straight

Just a few things that are worth noting for future reference. If you're guilty of any of these or know someone who is, please stop them now and have them read this. Because I'm going to start carrying my bat when I go out. You have been warned.

First, yes, Texans are used to dealing with heat, but not in the way people up north constantly seem to suggest. We air condition everything, shade everything, and drink cold drinks. We go to pools that are shaded. We dress appropriately. None of this un-air conditioned, cut down the trees, sipping hot coffee and complain. Yankees, at least in this, we're more sensible than you, so stop saying we're used to it like we've evolved into non-sweating, solar-powered versions of you. We just understand that if you live in a climate with bad weather, if you don't use the tools at hand to deal with it, you shouldn't bitch about it.

Second, if you're going to bring children into public, show some common sense. Two year olds don't get logical proofs. They do, however, recognize that if you say you're going to spank them the next time and then don't, that they own your sorry ass. Now if you don't believe in spanking, cool on for you, don't threaten it. If you do, when you do threaten it, then you'd better dish it out as promised. Telling a kid there are consequences and then not giving them any is going to explain why they're destined to steal your car in ten years.

A good rule of thumb it seems to me for these moments is if the kid is fidgety and anxious, they've got too much energy. Try taking them outside and letting them use some of it. And you know what? Too much energy is normal for a kid. What isn't normal is having a two year old out-think you and expecting the rest of the world to have to listen to it. And while we're on the subject, it's not the kid's fault he's cranky if you bring him out to an appointment with several of your slow relatives and then expect the child to wait quietly till the bitter end for their turn. Show some sense.

Third, if you wait to get your hair done until an hour before you're "due in the limo," then you'd better be prepared to suck it up and take your hair how it turns out. No calling back, fifteen minutes to Cosmos in the car time to yell at the manager because you got home and didn't like what you saw in the mirror. As a side-note, going to Super Cuts for this sort of thing might be the first step in the problem.

Fourth, don't use the express lane if you have to pay with change. In fact, unless you're on a pension, homeless, or just broke your piggy bank to buy a Hot Wheels, don't pay in change. Go to the service counter and get real cash. Or the bank. Or a line where it's expected you're going to slow the world down. And if you must pay in change, learn to count. In the U.S. dimes are ten cents, nickels are five cents, pennies are one cent, and quarters are twenty-five cents. That should take care of most of the difficulty.

Honestly.