Irritate Your Prof - a MadLib

In order to fill out the story below, please provide the following:

1. Name of your major
2. Name of another major or department which feels like the opposite of your major
3. keyword which has is mentioned in the course description and in every lecture so far
4. keyword which has never been mentioned in this course's syllabus or lectures so far, related to your major
5. Noun
6. adjective
7. Proper name
8. Your favorite letter of the alphabet
   

When you have those answers for each of those, fill them into the story below and e-mail it to your professor, for much hilarity. They'll love you, I promise. And if you feel like it, you can post your answers in the comments, too! What fun!

Hey __________ (5),
I am writing because I have a question about your class. I was under the impression the course would be focusing on __________ (4). But we're now several weeks into the course, and I think the course may be focusing on _______ (3). I am feeling _______(6). I'm a _________(1) major, and thought this course would be useful. My friend, _______(7), said that only __________(2) people would find this course interesting or useful. Is there any chance you'll change the course so that it works better for those of us in _______(1)?

Thanks! See you in class.
______(8)

Education As Customer Service

So I've received my first complaint of the new term. Evidently now announcing deadlines in class and on the assignment and actually enforcing them is seen as unfair.

What was most amusing about the complaint, though, was the student's not-so-implied threat that if I was going to continue to have deadlines and, you know, actually enforce them, that my course might not be the ideal course for them. And I quote:

if this semester is going to be like this i dont
think i can take this class. i have lacrosse 90 percent of my time this
semester and i only have the time to do things like homework when they
fit into this schedule i have decided for myself

When I worked in banking this was my favorite threat from customers: if you're going to charge me for bouncing my check, I'm going to take my money and run. And just like most of those banking customers, when I'd offer to mail them the check for their remaining funds, this student quickly rethought the decision.

Here's the thing about this customer service metaphor that I see missed - usually by students, sometimes by faculty (think about your last Senate meeting), and all too often by staff and administrators: it doesn't mean there shouldn't be standards. And it doesn't mean that students or their parents get to set those standards.

Rolls Down Hill...

Some days I wonder why my students write so badly, why they rely on such strange and shoddy logic. And then, every now and then, I see little things that suggest some possible excuse.

We're having a weather moment here today. I imagine lots of places are. For me, it isn't much of an ordeal since my grading is done, and I'm down to my own errands which can be completed in my own time. I'd intended to head up today, but I can read as well here, particularly since the roommate is gone. And since the weather's bad enough, there's no sense in being out. So imagine my joy when I saw this in my inbox:

Anticipating an improvement in current weather conditions, all university offices will close today (Friday, Dec. 19) at 1:30 p.m.

Yes, that's right. The weather is getting better, so we'll close things down. Is it any wonder my students struggle with making an argument?

Things From My Inbox: Big Brother Says Watch Yourself

Haven't done this in ages, but here are a couple of juicy moments to juxtapose about life as a junior faculty member.

First is a call urging me to come up with a paper to help out the friend of a colleague's conference:

...the calll for papers only went out two weeks ago. So there will be a shortage. Its a refereed event - although I don't see it in the call below, that is according to Prof. Z.) and would look good on the Tenure presentation (local; has a prestigious sounding name etc.)...

Who knew local, snazzy sounding names were what tenure committees look for?

And then, there's this, from the office and VP who oversee tenure here at my fine institution, in regards to an upcoming student event that happens before our contract dates begin. This particular sections comes after a long explanation detailing how crucial it is we be at these various events:

...I know it’s a busy time of year, but please mark your calendars and plan to attend. For purposes of planning seating and food for the convocation and dinner, Assistant Hoodoo also will be asking you to RSVP to our office if you are NOT planning to attend either or both events...

You're reading that right - the person who heads tenure decisions wants us to alert them if we're not planning on participating in their event, an event that typically in no way acknowledges the educational aspect of the university (ironic that it's only an aspect, don't you think?). Do you think I could just say that while the event is local, its name doesn't sound prestigious enough?

Things from My Inbox: Call and Response

It must be midterms. And if anything should bring out a special edition of Things from My Inbox, midterms and grades should do it. Having only just - thirty minutes ago - given out midterm grades, naturally e-mails like this one are starting to roll in:

I was just wondering if you would be able to fill me in on why my class grade is a 79 when I feel that I have gotten fairly high grades on all>assignments and received an 85 on the test

Of course, it's not all a downside, since it gives me an opportunity to reply with things like this:

I'd be glad to explain. I take all the scores and add them up as described in the syllabus. When I total the total number of points you've received and divide them by the total number of points currently available in the course, the percentage I get is 79. When you total them up do you come up with something different?

Good times.

Things From My Inbox: the Tweed and Leather?!? Edition

That's right, kids, it's time for cognitive dissonance e-mail style. As always, names changed to protect the innocent, etc, etc. Here are this week's selections:

[Person X] would like to invite you, your spouse & two guests of your choice to learn how to create a retirement roadmap customized specifically for you.

and

Why does it have to be a smart young professor aren't there any smart old professors who could get this ball rolling?

Does this suggest that old professors never die, they just retire in a foursome?

Zoinks!

And just as a bonus bit of good news from the Inbox, this arrived late last night:

We are pleased to inform you that your chapter proposal has been accepted for inclusion...

All this and a long weekend. Life's feeling up right now.