Identity and the Sexy Research Topic

I've been struggling to put together my final syllabus for the term.

Way back when I was writing my dissertation, I stumbled onto a topic that let me deal with the theory I wanted to and the way of viewing making sense of my field that works best for me that had a certain bit of sexiness to it. Of course, the way these things work is that to a large subset of people who've come into academic contact with me (doesn't that sound like we're talking about a virus vector? Ugh.) are most inclined to thinking of me in terms of that sexy topic rather than in terms of the theory or the way I make sense of my field.

Teaching this course - about the sexy topic - is one outcome of that. Of course, I've forced a couple of weeks of all the stuff I feel a bit more identified with, but there's still a question: which of these things do I really want to be?

It would help, of course, if the last time I'd taught this course it had gone well. It wasn't a disaster - certainly not like That One Course My First Term that actually once made me think about quitting or driving off a bridge or something else reasonably drastic. But it was an absolute slog. Some of the problems have been addressed by the new job, to be sure, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm more than a little gun-shy at this point. And I do like a challenge now and again.

But I do wonder if all this angst about the sexy topic isn't a battle between biting the hand that feeds me. Still, I do wonder.

RBOC: Term Preparations and General Lamentations

Lo, the gods smite me again. Trapped in these four walls. Syllabi gnashing at my heels like angry beasts. Hammers, the quietest sound of infernal constructions, ringing through the air ducts.

Attend, thou readers, my many lamentations and awkward pop-cultural references:

• the grand design for my dream course that came to me while driving my crazy uncle around has vanished. The grand unifying idea, the perfect assignments, all of it: vanished. There should be a CSI type show based around lost academic ideas.
  
• I know this will date me terribly and probably throw into question my otherwise impeccable musical taste, but I think we should create a new rule: Van Halen's "Eruption" should never be played with any song but "You Really Got Me" following it. Honestly.
  
• what obscene zeitgeist makes people try to schedule every meeting at the same time? If I ever wanted to offer evidence of some sort of collective thought process shared by a group of individuals, I'd use three University groups all separately trying to schedule meetings at the same time. Nine times out of ten, they'll choose nearly the exact same time on the exact same day.
• Yes, do require more things on my syllabus. My response is as you predicted: I must keep the page limit a constant. And so I can - I must - shrink the font further and further. There can be only one outcome, and this must be your fiendish plan. Eventually, it will be an inky black hole, so dense and laden with useless information not even an education can escape. Others call you mad, diabolical, unnatural. But I see. I see!

Okay, I must work. Seriously.

Ear Candy

I don't really have anything thrilling to report at the moment. I'm home on a Friday night, teetering on getting sick and with a mound of grading in my bag. We're past the halfway marker for the term, and somehow, in spite of this being a light week, I'm further behind than I am when I've got a full five day schedule and oodles on my plate.

And so, I'm going to take another break - I take them like every three posts, don't I? - and talk about music instead.

But the night's good. I've got the CD player on, not as loud as I'd like because I'm a considerate neighbor (even to putzes who think that doors must either be left open or slammed as hard as possible). And the musical world has given me two great things this week which I strongly encourage you to give a listen to. I can't decide which I like better of the two. The first, which I picked up earlier in the week, is "Live at Shea Stadium" by The Clash. This one comes from close to the end for the band, taken from their 1982 tour of the U.S. supporting "Combat Rock." The band had already kicked out their drummer because of his drug usage, and I believe they broke up only a few weeks following this show. But that makes the show all the more impressive. It's not the first live disc for the band, but it's the first (to my knowledge, at least) complete show, and they're pretty amazing even without Topper on the skins for them. Part of the joy for me is that The Clash is one of those bands for me who I always loved but was on the wrong side of the age curve to have actually experienced. They're the answer to one of those meme questions about what band you wish you could see but never got the chance, so anytime I get to hear them live is a thrill. But to hear just how much I missed out on, even on a remastered recording, only heightens that longing to have, just once, seen them live.

With that leading off the week, I didn't think there would be anything else musically that would touch it. But today as I was out and about running errands instead of working on job applications, I picked up another disc: "Little Honey" by Lucinda Williams. And now the rotation for the week has gotten a bit more complex.

This is a bit of a different sound for Lucinda; her albums are always great, but very bluesy. This one is a bit more like the live shows she puts on - lots of energy to it and if I can use this without invoking a mid-1980's bright pink lettering sort of vibe, it's a lot more rocking. I've seen her live twice, and her shows always bring an edge to them that her albums, great as they are, don't always suggest she's capable of. That's a shame because her music always has that rough feel to it that comes across best from turning up in some small roadside joint with pool tables and a deceptively large dance floor. And while the album feels more optimistic than her typical album, all the things anyone's ever loved about her is still there. Lucinda is, I dare say, happier on this album than she's been in years. Now I've only had a chance to listen to this one once, since I picked it up this afternoon, but I'm pretty certain it'll be getting some heavy rotation in the next few days.

And considering what's going on these days, that's a pretty good thing. If you like either band.

Things I've Accomplished Today That Weren't Related to my Book

So I realize now that tomorrow is the Fourth of July. That's made today require a bit of hurry up and go because tomorrow is not only mother #2 and my sister's birthday (and I didn't get either of their cards in the mail), but it also means that, in spite of virtually everyone I know here being out of town, tomorrow must be given over to barbecue.

The thing I like about summer holidays is that they are social events in a way winter holidays can never be. No one ever gathers up their friends, packs a cooler and runs off to the beach for some sun and fun in January (at least not here in the forsaken lands). And let's be honest, as much as I love Thanksgiving, I can't think of anyone who has the same level of fear that their family or friends are going to unload every ounce of drama over the meal the way they do at winter holidays (unless you've reason to always be afraid your family is going to do that, in which case summer holidays would be better because it's easier to get away when it isn't likely to be snowy).

Of course, at least part of the theory is that if I'm going to have to spend hours on the phone tomorrow in the "apologetic son/brother" role, I might as well at least be well-fed.

And so today's been less focused on work than other days (and those of you who know me know just how little focus that means). Instead, I've been accomplishing things for the barbecue I am throwing for myself. It's all prep time, baby.

1. Pico de Gallo. This was accomplished in spite of the fact that the cilantro I bought seems to have vanished. The pico de gallo may be the most important part here because it can be used for ages - pico de gallo goes great in an omelette, for example.
2. Lemon Poppy Seed Bread. Well, technically, I could still screw that up by forgetting to take it out of the oven, but honestly, if it reaches that point, I'll have bigger fish to fry. This is also a bit about set up. The bread'll be good, I hope, but I'm intending it to go with some specially prepared strawberries and whipped cream. If it works, it'll be grand. If it doesn't, it'll be the worst clash of flavors since the great Dr. Pepper/Crunch Berry Experiment of '93.
   
3. Fajitas. Technically, they're marinating still, but that is at least as important as the application of heat. There are also peppers and onions marinating, but this is an experiment.
   
4. A load of laundry. Because you can always rustle up a load of laundry, and doing one always feels like an accomplishment.
5. finished "Spook Country" by William Gibson. Eyed "Drown" by Junot Diaz. Recommended books to others. Sharing is important.
   
6. Brushed the dog. Also played extensively with dyno-mutt, as this is a significant portion of why we keep each other around.
   

Notice how much of this is justification about how doubly-useful this form of procrastination might be? Don't mention that. I noticed it first, and anyway, you don't want me coming to your blog to point out your defense mechanisms.

So anyway, it's an odd thing that today I feel like cooking for friends which would necessitate inviting people to my apartment. I never feel like that. Ever. But I'm pining for grad school in loads of ways - most of the people I want to invite over cross my path first there (but not all). There's actually, likely, a post coming up on how grad school pining may be part of what's leading to the desire for the Big Leap.

And now, I must make dinner and do some book work. Happy 4th to the lot of you.

Of the Madness of Fridays (and other things)

Why do Fridays never feel productive? I'm putting together a list of things, and still I don't feel like I've done as much as I should have today. So far, I have:

• done two loads of laundry
• taken clothes to the dry cleaner
• made breakfast and done the dishes
• taken bills and such to the post office
  
• gone to the grocery store
• completed and submitted a teaching grant application

Of course, I still haven't managed any work on the book today. Maybe that's the glaring hole in my day (week/month/term, too). Two days ago I had my meeting with the Dean about my 3rd year review. It was painless, really, except when the question about how the book was coming came up. I could only laugh. Still, at the end of it, when it came time to kick me in the ass and tell me what I needed to do for tenure, the comment was "Keep publishing and maybe try and do something in the community." So I left feeling alright.

But yesterday one of my students came in. I've written numerous letters for graduate schools for her, and she was upset because she'd received her first rejection. She was rejected not because she didn't fit the bill but because all of her application materials hadn't arrived.

What was missing? Transcripts. Why were the missing? Well, technically, no one can say in part because the records office here doesn't actually - and this is capital-I irony - keep any record of when (or if) they send out transcripts. They know they were asked to send them out. They just don't know if they did. When she explained, they said they could re-send them but they'd have to charge her again. She was near tears when she said, "I'm really disappointed in the University right now."

What could I say to that except "Me, too."

Sunlight...no, TRAIN...no, it's sunlight...

...and just when I'd largely resigned myself, word of a new job nibble reached my ears. And now, suddenly, fingers are crossed again, wood is being knocked on, and I'm considering taking up some religion or other.

Why do job searches make me feel like Wile E. Coyote?