Cravings

Spending the holidays away from home year after year hasn't gotten so much easier. One year at a graduate school Thanksgiving celebration, I showed up with tamales - a staple around any holiday back home no matter who you are. Everyone stared and wondered, and at the end of the evening, I had nearly two dozen tamales to take home for myself.

For whatever reason, I've been craving mole, which frankly is a recipe that's more involved than I care to deal with. Growing up, my friend Greg's mother would make mole maybe once a year - usually around Christmas. Rare treats are often the best. In grad school, my friend John made it for us once - he was a chef, an under appreciated genius in kitchen who could tell the nastiest stories over a meal and make you love it. Chefs, he said, told the worst stories, the sickest jokes nightly to make the evenings pass. I thought perhaps he was exaggerating until I read Orwell's Down and Out in Paris and London, and saw that even back in the early 1900s that tendency was there.

One of the things I like about Thanksgiving is that it is like the best moments of grad school: it's people around each other because they really like each other. Grad school Thanksgivings are the best because everyone chips in what they can - mostly in terms of alcohol - and a good time is had by all. That's how Thanksgiving has always been though. When I was growing up, on the holidays, I'd spend time with my family and then would wander down the street to my best friend's place. We'd spend the day, like all teenage boys, eating our weight and glaring at the world, secretly in love with our own surliness and a world that let us be.

It was when I was a teenager that I discovered one of the truths of my life: that I like a certain amount of suffering with my pleasure, a little spice with my sweetness, some surliness in a world that'll feed me and nod knowingly. Those are the things I'm craving right now.

But like I said, making mole is more than I can deal with.So the closest I've managed to get is brownies with green chilies. What can I say? Something about the combination of sweet and spice just does it right now. And I'll be heading out to see some grad school friends in a few days - not all of 'em, sadly, but it's a start. Maybe I'll take 'em some tamales and chili brownies and see if I can't capture the full experience.

Things I've Accomplished Today That Weren't Related to my Book

So I realize now that tomorrow is the Fourth of July. That's made today require a bit of hurry up and go because tomorrow is not only mother #2 and my sister's birthday (and I didn't get either of their cards in the mail), but it also means that, in spite of virtually everyone I know here being out of town, tomorrow must be given over to barbecue.

The thing I like about summer holidays is that they are social events in a way winter holidays can never be. No one ever gathers up their friends, packs a cooler and runs off to the beach for some sun and fun in January (at least not here in the forsaken lands). And let's be honest, as much as I love Thanksgiving, I can't think of anyone who has the same level of fear that their family or friends are going to unload every ounce of drama over the meal the way they do at winter holidays (unless you've reason to always be afraid your family is going to do that, in which case summer holidays would be better because it's easier to get away when it isn't likely to be snowy).

Of course, at least part of the theory is that if I'm going to have to spend hours on the phone tomorrow in the "apologetic son/brother" role, I might as well at least be well-fed.

And so today's been less focused on work than other days (and those of you who know me know just how little focus that means). Instead, I've been accomplishing things for the barbecue I am throwing for myself. It's all prep time, baby.

1. Pico de Gallo. This was accomplished in spite of the fact that the cilantro I bought seems to have vanished. The pico de gallo may be the most important part here because it can be used for ages - pico de gallo goes great in an omelette, for example.
2. Lemon Poppy Seed Bread. Well, technically, I could still screw that up by forgetting to take it out of the oven, but honestly, if it reaches that point, I'll have bigger fish to fry. This is also a bit about set up. The bread'll be good, I hope, but I'm intending it to go with some specially prepared strawberries and whipped cream. If it works, it'll be grand. If it doesn't, it'll be the worst clash of flavors since the great Dr. Pepper/Crunch Berry Experiment of '93.
   
3. Fajitas. Technically, they're marinating still, but that is at least as important as the application of heat. There are also peppers and onions marinating, but this is an experiment.
   
4. A load of laundry. Because you can always rustle up a load of laundry, and doing one always feels like an accomplishment.
5. finished "Spook Country" by William Gibson. Eyed "Drown" by Junot Diaz. Recommended books to others. Sharing is important.
   
6. Brushed the dog. Also played extensively with dyno-mutt, as this is a significant portion of why we keep each other around.
   

Notice how much of this is justification about how doubly-useful this form of procrastination might be? Don't mention that. I noticed it first, and anyway, you don't want me coming to your blog to point out your defense mechanisms.

So anyway, it's an odd thing that today I feel like cooking for friends which would necessitate inviting people to my apartment. I never feel like that. Ever. But I'm pining for grad school in loads of ways - most of the people I want to invite over cross my path first there (but not all). There's actually, likely, a post coming up on how grad school pining may be part of what's leading to the desire for the Big Leap.

And now, I must make dinner and do some book work. Happy 4th to the lot of you.

Notes on the Start of July

Today didn't go as planned. Not in a bad way, mind you. It was just long. Every errand - and there were a few - took twice as long as they should. In part, this was due to the shoddy driving that happens in these parts.

A word to drivers: first, when you get in the car, before you ever turn the key, think about where you're going and how you're going to get there. Keep this goal in mind when deciding when to change lanes, etc. It's always better to be in the lane you want sooner than later. Second it helps if you start to cut the wheel about a third of the way out of a parking space. If you back straight out all the way, and then start trying to turn, it just holds everyone up. And that makes you both a slow driver and a jackass. Third, it's okay to drive slow. Just do it in the proper lane, and don't get upset if someone starts to pass you. It isn't a statement on your man- or womanhood if they do.

Losing time to errands is frustrating because I'm on the clock for a few things. My book deadline is coming up, and while I'm making progress, it is slower than I'd like. I've realized it is because it feels a bit like busy work. The book is essentially an updated version of my dissertation. But as I've been updating, I've found myself uncomfortable with the idea of leaving ideas in the same way I expressed them in the dissertation. But in a lot of cases - in my background chapter, for example - I was very satisfied with how that came out, so rewording things seems like more work for no good reason. But it seems a bit like plagiarism not to reword them, though I do wonder whether that's the sort of act one can do to one's self.

Wow, I just made plagiarism seem even dirtier. Sweet.

And now I've got an additional writing deadline coming up because I've got an article accepted for an edited collection, but the deadline hits around the same time as the book deadline. So things are hopping here, and that's forcing me to rethink little distractions - like my newly acquired love for the video game "God of War" or my attempts to juggle episodic television shows like "Lost," which I still haven't made it through the first season of. And I've been slowly struggling through the latest by William Gibson, though it isn't because the book isn't good. I'm just not in that zone right now, I suppose. And that's a shame because I did manage a stop at the bookstore where I found three new books to try and get to: Junot Diaz' Drown, Roberto Bolano's The Savage Detectives, and Austin Grossman's Soon I Will Be Invincible. Thank goodness for faculty discounts and gift cards.

I'm also pretty taken with silicon bakeware; I've been slowly experimenting with baking things with fresh fruit in them (if you do it late enough at night, it's not so bad to have the oven at 400). Nothing truly spectacular yet, but it's been nice to have something sweet to snack on as the days have run.

I did not, however, find a birthday gift for Mom #2. This is because, or so it seems to me, that in spite of all the years and lectures and advice, I know nothing about except that she likes pansies. And I'm pretty sure I've run out of crap with pansies on them to buy for her. And so, the day's at an impasse on that score, and her gift - whatever it is - is going to be late fore sure as she's one of a few folks hanging from the branches of the family tree who has a July 4th birthday.

But, of course, the time I spent putting this up could have been spent re-writing a sentence I wrote three years ago. And so now, I must away.