Guide to Conference Attendees Who Have Already Presented

1. It's never too late to mention your research.
   
2. Always wait at least two hours after presenting your research before savaging another presenter. This lessens the likelihood they'll remember the flaws in your presentation.
   
3. Interrupting signals not just how much you care but how important your own work is.
4. Don't worry if they can hear you talking in the hallway.
5. Your cell phone ring is endearing and witty. Please, please, do let it ring a little longer.
   
6. Feel free to generalize about the academic work of people from other schools, genders, or countries. The bigger the generalization, the more insightful.
   
7. Always wait two hours after savaging another presenter before going swimming. You'll get cramps.