The one time I road a horse, my aunt told me to expect to fall off. No rider, no matter how good should always be prepared to fall she said. So if it happens, practice how to land.

Today I am practicing how to walk in the door to an empty apartment.

Tomorrow, I will practice how to talk to people.


6 Responses to “Practice”
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I am so very sorry. A house is so empty without one's animal friend.

December 13, 2009 at 8:46 PM
Belle said...

Baby steps. Personally, that you are able to walk out of the house is amazing. I cried for days.

December 14, 2009 at 9:52 AM
Dr. Curmudgeon said...

Getting out of bed has been the harder bit. I keep waking up thinking I've heard him.

I've spent the last two days doing the most simple things I could think of. I managed to address the Christmas cards I'd started last week. Any mundane thing I can think of.

December 15, 2009 at 1:33 AM
Anonymous said...

You've got to give yourself time to grieve. I know people often feel self-conscious about grieving long and hard for pets -- like their loss doesn't merit it -- but I have to disagree. You have lost your companion, that takes time and lots of caring for yourself.

December 16, 2009 at 9:35 AM
Dr. Curmudgeon said...

The grief, I think, makes time for itself, whether I want it to or not.

Every night since, I've woken up throughout the night, thinking I've heard the sound of my dog at the bed. It's a pleasure for a moment, and then as awful as it gets.

What I find difficult is negotiating the process with others - how I grieve versus how they do. That's the big challenge at the moment: that I don't necessarily want people around, and I certainly don't want to recount the story or give hourly updates on how I feel.

December 16, 2009 at 1:17 PM
Anonymous said...

When my cat died I kept seeing her in the places she normally was.

I hadn't wanted to let her go so I had the vet give me her body in a box, so I could bury her myself in the garden. I used a birdbath for headstone so she would have birds to watch.

I am not used to death so it was very hard lifting the box she was in knowing it was her corpse.

Then once she was buried I started seeing her and I thought it was grief but then decided it was because she had not left and I had invoked her.

December 20, 2009 at 6:30 PM