Or maybe I smell

I described an event a few nights back to my roommate as feeling like I'd attended my own autopsy. Really, the last few days have felt that bumpy.

There's a point, I suppose, after you take a job but before you've left for it where everyone has to give up on you. I suppose I've hit that point, and it's been strange trying to deal with it. A few nights back, I attended a party one of my colleagues was throwing, and throughout the time I was there, I actually found folks I work with moving away from conversations with me. And when conversations did happen, they almost invariably began with something like "So, traitor, have you found an apartment at your new job yet?" As I entered the kitchen - where folks in my discipline invariably gravitate to at any party - I heard someone whisper "Do you think you'll take Curmudgeon's office?" To my credit, I didn't interrupt or immediately think about pranking the person who gets my little slice of poor ventilation. This, though, seems to be the tone of things for my remaining weeks.

I suppose it's a blessing that I've stopped getting asked to faculty meetings, but it's another strange symptom of things. But it's a little odd that people actually get quiet when I round a corner or stick my head in the doorway. It's like I'm being forced to be a short-timer: if I can't do the right thing and lose all interest in things here, interest will be lost for me.

Big (Bad) Realization

Somehow in the midst of all this term, I've gotten fat.

To keep this in perspective, I wasn't small to begin with. But I'd done a semi-decent job taking some weight off in the last couple of years, and I was horrified today to discover that I've actually managed to put it all back on, a majority of it since the start of this job search. That is, of course, a very anecdotal correlation, but still.

It's a strange moment to be this distressed at my appearance - and probably a bit late in life to be developing this sort of body image complex. But isn't that the joy of marketing? Sooner or later, we're all going to measure ourselves against the cover of "People" and find ourselves wanting?